I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I feel obligated to pay back my debt somehow. Just for being here, I feel like I owe my life to everyone in the world. That pressure is constantly weighing me down. It makes me feel like I need to go to school and use the ability and talent that I have to it’s fullest extent. It makes me want to join the Canadian Forces and give my life for my country in the most selfless way possible. It makes me think that by not having a plan or by not having a direction I’m wasting my life.

You can be whatever you want to be, but make it the best that you can be.

I always feel this pressure, I always feel disappointed in who I am. I can be more, I can be better. Right now I’m here and I don’t want to waste it, I don’t want to squander this life of mine. Mediocrity and banality seem to be permanent residents in my life. I will never measure up, I can never measure up. Thoughts of possibilities consume my life. How can I make this world better for everyone? How can I make life better for many? How can I lead a satisfactory life?

There is no answer and there are no priorities.

I think life as I know it is going to have to take a back seat for a while. Time to put childish ways behind me and just start contributing. No matter how small. No matter how insignificant. Anything will be better than what I have been doing.